Forever Kinda Love Read online

  “I’m going to kiss you now.” I swallow.

  My heart’s beating in my throat, and I’m certain I’m about to pass out. But even with the adrenaline shooting through me, all I see is her. Her pink lips, her flushed cheeks, her gray eyes . . .

  She presses her lips into mine, gently, hesitantly.

  I’m so dumbfounded by her bold move that I step back. My heartbeat echoes in my ears as another wave of adrenaline rushes over me.

  “I’m sor—”

  I close the gap between us and crush my mouth to hers, swallowing her words. The hunger, the need, the taste of her consumes me. I slide my hands down her arms, grab both her hands and drag them above her head, locking them into one of mine. Her body arches toward me as I continue to devour her sweet taste—mango and the tang of oranges.

  My right hand traces down her arm, the outer curve of her breast, her hips, edging toward the end of her robe, halfway up her smooth thighs.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  I can’t seem to stop myself. I gather the fabric in my hand and begin pushing it up her legs. I melt into her baby soft skin. Her kiss burns against my mouth. Needing to feel more of her, I let go of her wrists. She instantly wraps them around my neck, latching onto my hair urgently.

  I groan into her mouth. Yes, Yes, Yes! I let my hands slide up her thighs, over and under her robe, until I’m dangerously close to . . .

  God, help me!

  “Heath.” Ace breathes my name, and I just about lose what little conscience I have left. I slide my hands back down the smooth skin of her legs, letting the robe fall. Her hands tighten around my neck.

  I trail my lips down her jaw, snaking my hands around her waist. She leans her head back, giving me access to taste her skin. A small whimper reaches my ears and her legs give out under her. I pin her to the wall, pushing my lower body against hers, needing that pressure.

  This is so wrong. Yet, so, so right.

  The frustration and need from wanting her for far too long overwhelm me. I lean down, cup her behind the knees, and pick her up in a quick swoop, wrapping her delicate, long legs around my waist as I walk backward.

  The back of my legs hit the edge of the bed and I fall, never letting the gap between us get any bigger. Ace’s legs clench around my hips, and her tongue digs deeper into my mouth.

  I flip us over, needing the control, and she squeals in surprise. My eyes connect with hers as I hover over her, my hands on either side of her head. Her eyes smile back at me, her cheeks flush red, and her swollen bottom lip is trapped between her teeth.

  There’s no one else for me. She isn’t just my best friend; she’s someone that I trust with every secret, every vulnerability, every ounce of my life.

  Without exceptions. Without restrictions.

  I brush her hair away from her face and a small smile appears on her lips. My heart swells proudly, and I know that I don’t want to rush things with us. I want this relationship to go at the pace our friendship deserves. And if I don’t stop now, I’m not sure I’ll be able to.

  I roll off her and pull her into my arms, snuggling her into my side while I try to calm my racing heart. I look at her, and catch her staring at me.

  “You okay?” I want to ask. But I can tell by the way her eyes crinkle in the corners that she’s more than okay. It makes me want to hand her the moon, the stars, and the whole fucking universe. “You’re so beautiful.”

  Her gray eyes flutter and lock with mine. My deprived body screams with desire. A dazzling smile stretches across her face, making me do the same.

  We’re no longer best friends. We’re more. More than just two strangers life happened to throw together. Far more than anything I’ve ever felt. And I’m not going to fuck it up.

  I roll off the bed. Adjusting my jeans, I turn to face her.

  She’s sitting up, her hair tousled, her cheeks red, and her lips swollen. Pride fills my chest as I stare at her, knowing that the shine in her eyes, the blush in her cheeks is because of me. How could I have not realized how beautiful she is? I’d been so blinded by the other things in life that I’d missed what was right in front of me—waiting for me.

  I bite back the idiotic grin that’s about to make an appearance. I don’t want to scare her by acting like a thirteen-year-old about to lose his virginity.

  My eyes travel to hers, and I feel everything in me come alive. I know this is the girl . . . from the first time I saw her, everything about me changed. I look at extraordinary things, only to think they’re ordinary compared to her. I know she’s my forever kinda love, because she’s the light in my darkness, giving me the strength to never give up.

  My breath hitches as that realization hits home. My forever kinda love.

  My mind races. I need time to think. I need time away from her, away from everything that’s tempting and mind-numbing, so I can gather my thoughts.

  I cup her face, lean down, and kiss her ever so lightly. “I should go,” I say.

  “Go?” she asks, still looking slightly dazed.

  Her lips quiver with a small frown. I clear my throat and run my hands through my hair. God, she’s going to make me an addict. Hell, who am I kidding? I’m already hooked. I can’t wait for another taste. Soon.

  But not until I take her on a proper date and tell the whole damn world she belongs to me. Me.

  Running my thumb across her bottom lip, I pull it from between her teeth. Damn, is it possible to be jealous of teeth?

  Get your shit together, Heath. I exhale a frustrated groan. She needs to know that it’s more than just physical. I need to show her that she’s more than sex to me, more than just another girl. Until then, I need to back the fuck off.

  Unable to help myself, I kiss her forehead. There are so many things I want to tell her. But I don’t. Because I’m certain if I open my mouth right now, I’ll make Dumb and Dumber sound Oscar-worthy.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. Pick you up before school?”

  She scoots off the bed, tightening her robe, and says, “Stay.” Her voice comes as a plea.

  God, do I want to climb back into that bed and snuggle the night away with her in my arms. But I need to have a clear head to figure out my next step. And that’s not going to happen if I stay—Ace and “clear head” don’t belong in the same city.

  I lean forward, grab a hold of her hand, and pull her into a tight hug, burying my nose in her hair. I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with her smell, then kiss her neck gently. “I love you,” I whisper. This time, the words have a far deeper meaning than they’ve had the previous million and one times I’ve said them. Could she feel it too?

  Seconds pass before I push her to arm’s length. Her eyes glint with hope as she stares up at me.

  I let out a deep breath, forcing the words out of my mouth. “But I can’t stay, Ace. I . . . I should go.”

  She nods as her smile sketches into a frown. “Okay.”

  Letting go of her, I walk out of her room without looking back. Because I know, one more word out of her and all my resolve will be shoved out the door. Jumping into my Jeep, I lean forward, resting my head on the steering wheel as thoughts swim in my head.

  Tomorrow is going to be different. I can feel it.

  I push back from the steering wheel, and stare up at the sky. Even the most extraordinary things look mundane. A big fat grin plasters my face.

  I fucking can’t wait to see her tomorrow.

  EVERY GIRL DREAMS OF finding that perfect guy, gorging on food without getting fat, and having a best friend who’ll stay true to her without constraints. And I had all three. How the hell could I have screwed that up by kissing—and then some—the perfection that is . . . was my best friend?

  I woke up to another nosebleed. They’re starting to happen more and more frequently. But I didn’t want to skip school, especially after last night. I didn’t want Heath to think I was trying to avoid him . . . us. So I got ready, pulled on extra layers of clothing, and headed out for a run, hoping to clea
r my head.

  My breathing comes in harsh gasps, and my legs are cramping. I stumble to a stop, wheezing slightly. What the heck? It’s only been two miles. Was I coming down with the flu or something?

  I wait until my breathing slows, but a wave of dizziness washes over me and my limbs tremble with weakness. There’s no way I can finish my run like this.

  Frustrated, I force myself to turn around and head home.

  In my bathroom, I strip out of my jogging clothes and stare at the person standing in my mirror—happy, yet . . . my gaze falls on the purplish, round spot at the curve of my neck and an audible gasp escapes me. My fingers trace the shape of the hickey—evidence of Heath’s kiss from last night—as images burst into my mind.

  His lips. His hands. His eyes devouring me with a simple, heady look.

  I’d never let my other boyfriends get past a quick peck on the lips. It just never felt right. But with Heath, even though he’s not my boyfriend, it felt natural, perfect. The moment he’d gotten close to me, his hands had owned my every reaction, and I’d turned into a crazy monkey with an uncontrollable urge to eat him alive.

  I’d felt beautiful and womanly in his arms. Until he up and left like nothing had happened between us. I still don’t know what to make of that. Doubt burns hot and cold, searing me from the inside-out.

  Maybe I’d been too forward, throwing myself at him. But he’d said he wanted to kiss me, hadn’t he? Or was I just hallucinating . . . caught up in the moment? Oh God, did I do something wrong? Did he think less of me for throwing myself at him? Is that why he refused to stay the night?

  A frustrated scream rumbles in my chest as mixed emotions bubble through me. I pull open the shower curtain and step into the bathtub. Minutes later, I step out and dry myself, heading into my room with a towel wrapped around me.

  Frustration peaking, I scrounge around to find a scarf, and try to shove Heath out of my mind. I’ve never felt more naked and exposed. I’ve never put myself out there, and the first guy I throw myself shamelessly at ends up running away. Giving up on the scarf, I find a yellow, sleeveless turtleneck and a pair of white shorts.

  I stare at myself in the mirror and trace a finger along the red hickey. Familiar tingles buzz deep inside me. I’d felt so alive, so complete as his mouth tasted my skin.

  The corners of my lips tilt downward as I remember that he’s supposed to pick me up for school. I look at the red numbers on my Hello Kitty clock:

  7:12 a.m.

  I sigh. Okay, I can do this. In less than eight minutes, all of this doubt will be erased. Depending on how he acts, I’ll know.

  Take a deep breath, Ace.

  I finish getting ready as the clock counts down to Heath’s appearance. I don’t hear the sound of his tires crunching against the gravel on my driveway. I wait another five minutes, hoping to hear him arrive. But he doesn’t.

  Dread fills my chest, tearing at it like wolves on a carcass.

  Maybe he won’t show. Maybe he regrets what happened between us. Maybe . . . maybe . . . maybe . . .

  And damn it, I can’t even be pissed at him. It’s all my doing. I did flash my girl bits to a teenage boy high on hormones. However accidental it was, it must be like some sort of Morse code, telling him to ravish the willing girl. I don’t regret a second, but maybe he did, after the fact.

  Aargh.

  Questions. Doubts. Vulnerability.

  What am I doing? I’ve never been this whiny. Whatever life threw at me, from Mom’s death to Dad’s abandonment, I got through it.

  Because of Heath, says a small, but confident voice in the back of my head. Aargh.

  I look in the mirror, straight into my eyes.

  No negativity, Carrigan. You’ll march out there and make it through school and not think twice about Heath, or his hands, or his lips, or his body pressed against yours, or . . . damn it! No! Just no.

  Swallowing the tears burning my throat, I grab my messenger bag and head to the front door. Taking a deep breath, I pull the door open, step outside with my head held high and . . . freeze.

  My gaze connects with a hazel stare—Heath.

  His hair is tousled just the right amount, and his eyes rake down the length of my body. Then thrusts his fists into the front pockets of his jeans and clenches his jaw, his eyes returning to mine. He’s looking at me like he’s never seen me before, like I’m the reason things have changed between us forever. Like I shouldn’t have kissed him.

  There’s my answer. My shoulders sag, and I look down, unable to face his obvious disgust.

  A sliver of pain shoots through me. Why did I even kiss him? He turns away, heading toward the driver’s side of his Jeep. His black jeans hang low on his hips, hugging every contour, accentuating the muscles in his legs. I swallow, remembering how my legs had wrapped perfectly around those hips.

  But that was last night. And it looks like it’s never going to happen again.

  “Hi,” he says as I climb in, his voice distant. He pulls away from my driveway, and I feel familiar prickles behind my eyes.

  Yup, my best friend hates me. Panic and disappointment run through me as I realize what that could mean. This can’t be happening. I don’t want things to change.

  Well, it’s a little late for that, Sherlock!

  I will myself not to cry. I can’t cry in front of him. We drive in silence for the next twenty minutes as I try to think of ways I can rectify the situation. Maybe I can apologize for attacking him, or . . . maybe Em will have some ideas.

  Oh, God! Em. She’s going to stick a fork in me when she finds out about the kiss I haven’t told her about. But at least I can tell her, her intuition was wrong. Oh, so totally wrong. She thought Heath had a thing for me. But clearly, that’s not true.

  As soon as Heath parks in his regular spot, I jump out, shouldering my bag and heading toward the main entrance.

  “Hey, Ace,” Heath calls.

  I stop and pivot to face him. His hands are once again hidden in his pockets. I shift my weight from foot to foot, dreading the words that are about to come out of his mouth. I don’t think I’m actually ready to hear his rejection.

  “About last night—”

  “It’s cool. No big deal,” I blurt, avoiding his eyes. “I’m going to be late for class. See you around. Okay?” I fake a smile, walking backward, trying not to gauge his unresponsive reaction.

  Was he relieved that I let him off the hook?

  I shake my head. At least I’d pulled on my big girl panties. I’d admitted out loud that something happened between us last night—even if I’d played it off as being nothing. At least I had the last word.

  Although, I’m not certain I had the last say. He forgot to give me a flower. He’s never done that; in ten years, he’s never forgotten.

  What have I done?

  I’M STUNNED STUPID AS I watch her walk away from me. But I can’t seem to move. Emotions boil inside me as I fight to go after her.

  No big fucking deal! Is she shitting me?

  It is a fucking big-ass deal. Confusion and anger stir inside my head as I finally find the ability to storm into the building to find her. She can’t be fucking serious! I head toward the hall where her locker’s located and freeze when her laugh reaches my ears. I round the corner separating us and see her touching another guy. A growl threatens to pour out of me. I don’t care if he’s interested in her or not. My heart beats fiercely, trying to break free. I smash my fist into the wall beside me.

  After last night, giving her up to someone else is not a fucking option. She’s mine. She always has been. And I’m chicken-shit for not realizing it sooner. I take a step toward her, but someone blocks my path. By the smell of the perfume, I know it’s Lisa.

  “What?” I growl.

  She doesn’t cower like most people would’ve. I drop my gaze to her. Her arms are tucked under her chest, set determination in her confident smile. I stare at her, schooling my features.

  “I have a favor to ask,” she coos. />
  I arch a dark eyebrow, glancing at where I’d last seen Ace. She’s gone. I relax, leaning against the wall.

  “I need you to volunteer for the senior fundraiser,” she commands.

  A laugh rolls up my throat, and I push off the wall, shaking my head. “I don’t do charity.”

  “Come on, Iceman,” she says as I walk past her, heading toward my first class. “At least think about it,” she yells after me.

  So not happening.

  Nearly four hours later, I’m in the quad, surrounded by my usual group of friends, trying to come up with a plan. I know I didn’t imagine the way she felt in my arms or her reaction to my touch—either time. I know she wants to be with me, and I’m not giving up. It’s not in my blood. The Lovelly brothers never ever fucking give up.

  The moment Ace steps outside, my entire concentration shifts to her. She tucks her hair behind her ear, a nervous smile plastered on her face as she walks stiffly toward us. She glances my way, and I continue to stare, unmoving, relentless.

  You’re on, Ace. You are so fucking on.

  She turns away, and even from here, I can see the slight pink in her cheeks. I chew the inside of my lip. She pulls at the top of her turtleneck, as if to cover up my mark on her neck. It’s kind of cute, and I really want to pull it down and kiss her there again.

  God, this girl is going to kill me.

  “Iceman, you in?” Lisa’s obnoxious voice cuts through my arousing thoughts.

  “In what?” I ask.

  “In for some fucking pussy!” Jason bellows.

  “Shut the hell up, Jason,” Lisa says. “In for the senior fundraiser?”

  The girl is persistent; I gotta give her that.

  “Come on, dude! We gotta beat all the previous classes,” Troy says.

  “And the more single hot guys and girls we recruit, the more money we make.” Lisa bats her eyelashes. “It’ll be fun!”

  A tray slaps against the table and my lungs get assaulted with the smell of strawberries and peaches. Ace. She always smells like fruit.